senior-spectrum.com

Intimacy Should Be More Than Just a Memory, Counselor Says

By Daniel Dullum
Spectrum staff writer

To bring a humorous conclusion to a serious topic, Fran Fisher, a clinical and educational sexologist from Granite Bay, used a condom in a demonstration not often seen by the over-50 crowd.

Citing a recent dramatic increase in HIV cases among seniors, Fisher, 54, told her audience at the UC Davis Cancer Center auditorium Dec. 16, “There’s absolutely no excuse for not using a condom.”

Without missing a beat, she pulled a condom over her fist, then used it as a hair band, and finally pulled it over the top of her head.
“It’s just latex,” she deadpanned.

As part of the UCD Coming of Age lecture series, Fisher addressed the issue of intimacy and sexuality after age 50, something that becomes a serious issue for those with personal sexual issues or affected by physical trauma.

Fisher believes that humor helps open the door to discussion. Thus, her presentation opens with a video clip from the Monty Python comedy group.

“I used to talk to continuation schools years ago, when you didn’t have to give an outline of what you were going to talk about. I was asked to talk about healthy sexuality to these kids who were already getting themselves into trouble. So I talked to them about using condoms and protecting yourself — especially the young women,” Fisher said. “I’d seen it done in England on a television program and I thought, ‘They’re so afraid of using them or even talking about it. The best way to break the fear is to be open about it.’ I would do a lot more silly thing with them.”

Fisher’s interest in sexology evolved from her 28 years in nursing, where she saw firsthand how sexuality is impacted by pain, mental and physical conditions, and how little the issue was addressed. Toward that end, Fisher, a native of Manchester, England, enrolled in the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco.

“I thought, when I went to the institute to study, it was for my own personal information. I was 45 and I thought I was going just to learn something about my own life, enrich my family and relationships and my own existence. I thought I would do undergrad work, get my master’s and not do anything with it,” Fisher explained. “Then, I became obsessed by learning, got my Ph.D. and thought, ‘What do I do with it?’”

The physicians Fisher worked with came up with an immediate solution by asking if they could refer patients to her.

“A counselor friend of ours gave me an office and said to use it when I needed to. I would see people on an ad hoc basis and the business grew,” Fisher said. “Four years later, it’s very busy.”

Fisher’s desire to get out in the community and speak to seniors came from simply “wanting to talk to people.”

“One patient made me realize that for years, he never had anyone to talk with emotionally, and I realized what a terrible need there was and there was no one dealing with it,” she said. “So I put together a program for the UCD cardiac rehab, which was very well received.”

Throughout her lecture, Fisher outlined the importance of understanding how health issues affect a couple’s sexual life. She cited her own situation involving her husband, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease three years ago.

“During that initial two-year period, I was totally focused on my family. My focus wasn’t on going out and making business. It wasn’t important to me,” Fisher said. “Now, were all settling into it. It’s three years since he was diagnosed and now I need to go out and do things like this.”

Along with her nursing background and education, Fisher was a Catholic nun for two years, providing yet another insight for her work.

She said her time as a nun involved “the isolation and the total close-down of emotion and intimate needs.”

Fisher noted that since the advent of Viagra, the number of HIV cases has risen dramatically among people over the age of 50. Two of the issues Fisher sees with the use of Viagra are husbands who are more interested in sex than their spouses, and a resurgence of philandering.

“I try to educate the urologists I deal with to never give a man a prescription for Viagra until he’s seen both partners. If he’s got a resistant wife and they’ve not had a satisfactory sex life, she’s probably glad it’s all over,” Fisher said. “The discussion amongst professionals is that Viagra, although it does great things, caused an awful lot of marriage breakups and discontent because nobody looks at Viagra as a couples issue. Now you’ll see that a lot of Pfizer advertising says, ‘It’s a male problem, but it’s a couples issue.’”

Fisher finds senior audiences to be the most receptive to her lectures.

“I talk to the senior population and they’re the most fun. You don’t get that many people, but they’re more open,” Fisher said. “You’re talking to the choir when you come to these things. They’re already open to it, otherwise they wouldn’t be here.

“I’ve gone to a talk where a cardiologist had done a clinical talk, then I come in after him and people stand up and leave and say, ‘That’s not part of our life anymore.’ Which I think is very sad.”

For Fisher, the satisfying aspect of her work comes “when people come up and tell me how much they’ve enjoyed it and how much they’ve learned” — something that happened following her Dec. 16 lecture.

“And to see them go out laughing, holding hands, and looking like they can go out and talk about things,” she said. “That’s wonderful.”