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When Retirement Becomes Grounds for Divorce
By
Marie Wagar
Guest Columnist
For five years, before my husband Bob and
I began making plans for our retirement, we noticed that many of
our friends and acquaintances were not happy with their lives after
they retired from their jobs.
Our examples of unhappy retirees don’t compare with the thousands who have
made plans, socially as well as financially, who are enjoying their retirements.
Not everyone can afford cruises or expensive fifth-wheelers
to experience traveling luxuries. Those who have retired
on low income pensions may have faced difficulties
living together 24-7, surviving idle lives at home, unless they planned ahead
to include interesting hobbies or outdoor activities.
One of the examples I shall never forget is a friend we met back in the 70s
who complained daily about her husband sitting on the couch, eating Twinkies
and
watching talk shows while she had to ask him to move his feet so she could
vacuum.
His argument was that he worked hard to earn his retirement, and this type
of existence is what he deserved. His wife used their lucrative pensions to
travel
solo to exciting and interesting places until she decided to file for divorce.
Other problems that Bob and I had observed were humiliations experienced by
retired CEO’s who had been familiar with ordering their employees to
perform many tasks. Now their wives were asking them to scrub the bathroom!
Another couple Bob and I had visited chose to sell their house and retire in
their motor home, expecting to travel for the remainder of their lives. Constant
frustration ensued as they squeezed into a small space. One or the other had
to go outside in order for household tasks to be performed. Thank goodness
divorce wasn’t their plan for salvation — instead when their happy
wanderings grew more complicated, they sold their motor home and moved into
a senior subsidized
apartment.
After observing these and numerous similar encounters, Bob
and I decided that we would endorse a five-year plan for
an early and happier retirement, not only
financially, but socially!
While we were both employed we prepared financially by paying all our debts
and buying everything we would need when we retired. Our evenings would be
spent
in arts and crafts classes — oil painting for me and lapidary jewelry making
for Bob. These hobbies could serve to share time together at arts and crafts
shows, as well as supplement our meager early retirement pensions.
By the last day on our jobs we owned a small mobile home
and a 15-foot travel trailer. We ventured into the small
business world, joining arts and crafts clubs,
selling my paintings and Bob’s bola ties and belt buckles. There were a
few bumps along the way — losing our outdoor display to unpredictable wind
and hail storms and experiencing a low volume of sales. We found indoor shopping
malls, where we became well-known vendors gaining many repeat customers.
When we finally became old enough to be eligible for Social
Security and Medicare, Bob and I could afford to retire
from the arts and crafts business and return
to the sports we enjoyed so many years ago.
Bob had to learn to play tennis while I learned to fish so
we could avoid grounds for divorce while he sat home complaining
that I spent too much time at the courts,
and I moaned and groaned because he stayed on the river all day making “one
more cast.”
These simple agreements may not work for everyone, but they sure worked for
Bob and me to cherish long and happy retirements.
Marie Wagar, 84, is a Placerville resident.
This page and its contents ©2006
Metropolitan News Company, Inc.
