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Elderly Suffer When Decisions About Their Care Are Unclear
By
Terry Savage
When is it elder abuse — and when is it an adult child trying to
make arrangements for a parent who is losing the ability to cope with the
daily activities of living?
Every day, police and social workers and others face these decisions, and last
week, it was my turn. It was pure coincidence that a friend was checking into
a small hotel and ran into an elderly woman sitting in the lobby and crying.
After she calmed down, she explained — and her story was backed up by the
desk clerk — that her daughter had come with a power of attorney and the
police, and had moved her husband of 62 years to a nursing facility. She said
they wouldn’t let her come to visit.
She was staying alone in the hotel, with a little money and their small dog.
When she revealed that she and her husband had a substantial sum of money in
the bank as a result of selling their home, I grew more concerned. Financial
elder abuse is a growing crime. Sadly, the statistics reveal that elder abuse
is almost always a family crime.
The most recent reliable study of elder abuse was done by the National Center
on Elder Abuse in 2005. But according to that report, between 1 million and 2
million Americans age 65 or older have been injured, exploited or otherwise mistreated
by someone on whom they depended for care or protection.
It’s as difficult to imagine a family taking advantage of an elderly parent
as it is to imagine parents who would abuse their children. But it happens with
even more frequency in these tough economic times.
How could anyone who suspects this kind of treatment stand by and not get involved?
That certainly wasn’t something I could forget. So I called the local suburban
police department, and police and a social worker came right over to interview
the woman. She was distraught but able to answer all their questions. Because
of the woman’s allegations that the daughter now controlled her bank account,
an investigation was opened, and I left satisfied that her complaints would be
heard.
The next day, I went back to the hotel, drove her to the nursing home and witnessed
a very tender reunion with her husband. I also met her daughter, an aide at the
facility, and heard the other side of the story. She said she had no choice,
as her father is suffering from Alzheimer’s and her mother could not take
care of him. She gave me a long list of their dangerous experiences and her multiple
interventions in their living conditions. She was hoping to move her mother into
the assisted-living section of the nursing home, keeping them at least in the
same building. And she would use their money to pay for it, saying she didn’t
want a penny for herself.
So what was the final word, you might be wondering? I cannot really tell you
yet how it will work out, or whom I believed most. The police are still investigating
the financial aspects, social services will stay on top of the situation — and
I promised to visit again to make sure her move in to the assisted-living facility
goes smoothly. I left them holding hands, agreeing that being near each other
was most important.
You can’t have participated in this experience without thinking about yourself
and your family. What plans have you made? What documents have you executed?
What relative or friend do you trust to make these decisions for you — when
you are least able to be heard, and most likely to be confused and resentful
of changes forced on you?
Now is the time to make a revocable living trust, naming a successor trustee
to handle your financial affairs if you are in an accident or unable to make
decisions for yourself. And now is the time to create a health care power of
attorney and a living will. And if you need help finding resources to do this,
I recommend going to www.naela.org — the National Association of Elder
Law Attorneys. There you can find links to a list of elder law specialists in
your community.
And if you suspect elder abuse, contact the National Center on Elder Abuse, a
part of the U.S. Administration on Aging, at ncea.aoa.gov, or contact them at
855-500-3537 (ELDR).
Their website home page has quick links to both statistics and resources in every
state, including telephone hotlines to report abuse. And for eldercare resources
in your community available to those who have elderly parents or neighbors, go
directly to eldercare.gov.
The 7th Annual World Elder Abuse Awareness Day was just a few weeks ago, on June
15, 2012. I missed that day, never noticing the media promotion. But I didn’t
miss a chance to step in a few days ago. And I know that if everyone who reads
this column would just speak up and report suspected elder abuse, we could all
make a big difference for the generation that made it possible for us to be here.
This page and its contents ©2012
Metropolitan News Company, Inc.
