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Senior
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Reflections
on Aging
What’s Most Important Fits in Small Boxes, Lives in Memory
By
Carol Wallace
As
I sit in my den going
through old pictures,
kindergarten drawings
from my now-grown
sons, old books and
knick-knacks given
to me by clients
and friends, I keep
asking myself who
wants this stuff?
Will my sons or grandchildren want some of the family heirlooms passed on to
me after the death of other family members? Will my granddaughters be interested
in reading a 15-year accumulation of journal entries where emotions about my
relationships are written in gut-wrenching detail? I need to go through 62 years
of stuff and determine what’s of value financially or emotionally and who
might want it after I die.
As they are still little, how do I decide what my grandchildren might want when
they reach their 20s? What will they remember of me 15 years from now when they
are given the boxes of my treasures so lovingly packed for them in anticipation
of my death from lung cancer? Will they even care what’s in the boxes by
then?
Given a “good” year almost one year ago, putting my affairs in order
has become a priority. For the last nine months, I’ve thought about writing
letters to family members and sorting through my jewelry and other personal effects,
but I always found a reason to put off doing anything to prepare for my death.
That is, until what turned out to be a non-cancer-related incident recently put
me in the hospital.
Until the final diagnosis was made during my hospitalization, I was sure that
I was going to die sooner than expected from the cancer, and I was devastated
that I hadn’t taken the time to write letters to my grandchildren and pack
the things I had decided to give them.
Following my hospitalization and recovery from internal problems, it became a
priority that I put my affairs in order so that when the time comes I will be
able to go in peace knowing that everything I wanted to do was completed. I also
realized that if I took care of the things on my “must do” list,
I would have more time to enjoy the time I have left.
With sons who already have too much of their own stuff and grandchildren not
old enough for their own apartments, I looked around at all the things I just
had to have at some point in my life and began pondering what to do with it all.
I remember hearing reference made that we come into this world with nothing,
and we leave with nothing. I would rationalize my next purchase by believing
I would live well into my 80s like the rest of the women in my family. With that
not being the case now and always being one to look for the positives instead
of the negatives in life, I realized I will have 20+ years less of “stuff” I
would have to get rid of in my 80s.
I’m fortunate to have been given time to prepare to leave this world. Not
everyone has the chance to pack up their things to pass on, spend quality time
with their loved ones, heal old wounds and prepare to say goodbye.
So as I look at my 1989 original Master’s thesis, my eighth grade diploma
and a ceramic dog painted by my youngest son at 8 years old, it becomes easier
to throw away all the old presentations I gave, the books I’ve collected
over the years and those grammar school pictures of friends I forgot 35 years
ago.
I’ve decided what’s important, and most of what’s important
you can’t buy with money. My life has been reduced to two boxes of “important
stuff” for each of my four grandchildren. The rest will be given to those
who need it.
As each day passes, I finish more of the things I want to do to make my transition
out of this life easier and to make the lives of my loved ones as uncomplicated
as possible. I want my grandchildren to learn that by embracing death as a part
of life, the transition is much easier when the road traveled is shared with
family and friends — that grieving is the healthy way of facing and handling
loss, and out of loss comes new beginnings. Just as preparing ahead of time can
bring peace to the dying, quality time spent sharing emotions, laughter, memories
and hugs can give new meaning to the living.
Today I can spend quality time each day living my life while concentrating on
making new memories with my family and friends in the time I have left because
I have been willing to put myself through the painful task and hard work of preparing
to die. Each day is filled with thoughts of both living and dying. As I have
no future, I’m forced to live like my 5-year-old grandson, in today, doing
what I want when I want to do it. It’s tough not worrying about yesterday
or tomorrow, but each day it get’s a little easier.
Carol Wallace, MS is a Senior Care Consultant helping senior and families with downsizing issues and can be reached at 800-830-9969 or by emailing cwallace@seniordownsizingsolutions.com.
This page and its contents ©2008 Metropolitan News Company, Inc.
